Stirring the Pot- Without a Spurtle

The Scots love to stir their porridge with a spurtle. I thought this was something I needed. My utensil drawer set me straight by reminding me about the leg warmers- “They might be fair trade, organic leg warmers, but if your legs aren’t cold, it’s still a frivolous purchase.”

This might be a hand-carved, walnut, porridge-stirring, omelet-flipping utensil, but if you’ve already got that covered, it’s still a frivolous purchase. Maybe not as frivolous as the $3,000 plus brass candlestick or the quarter of a million plus Porsche featured in the same paper. At $25, the spurtle was a bargain, relatively speaking. But relative can get you in trouble when you absolutely don’t need it.

Ok, it’s frivolous. I might want a spurtle, but I sure didn’t need one. Having a hard time letting go of this, I tried a different tack. What if I went with Victor Hugo’s “The beautiful is as useful as the useful… perhaps more so.”? This is a very handsome pot stirrer. And were it to live on the counter beside a heavy copper saucepan, maybe being pretty would matter. But living in a kitchen drawer along side other useful but not so beautiful things exposed the shortcomings of the Hugo tack.

I came to my senses… closeted beauty and frivolous. So unless you’re a participant in the Golden Spurtle World Porridge Making Championship in the Scottish Highlands, you too can stir the pot without a spurtle.

'tis not the season

This sign has been up for a few days. I knew as soon as I saw it that I wanted to talk to you about it- but I was worried I might get crossways with the installer. But reason ruled. Only a handful of people will read this post, and for the record, the installer probably does fine work. So if you’re itching to get your Christmas lights up three months early, here’s your person.

Just days before seeing this sign, I’d lamented the premature arrival of Halloween decorations. Nothing like an early Christmas to make an early Halloween look good.

I love getting things done. I frequently add something I’ve already done to my “to do” list, for the sole satisfaction of scratching it off my list. It’s an odd, but probably harmless compulsion. Getting things done is usually a good idea. Doing things well is too. The trick is doing the right things well. For now, hanging up a wet bathing suit is the right thing. In a month, putting out the pumpkins and ghosts will be. And in three months, stringing Christmas lights will be just the right thing.

Quattro stagioni, per favore.

A Haul or A Maul?

This is depressing. I wish I’d never read about the Chinese fast-fashion retailer with prices so low that frenzied shoppers flock to a pop-up shop six hours before opening, armed with cash to bribe the security guard to let them skip the line. All for a chance to buy suspect goods. Fraudulent knock-offs. Sketchy manufacturing. Cheap materials.

With goods that are destined for the landfill after only a few wearings, “goods” seems aspirational.

Besides the usual things a women’s clothier sells, Shein offers pet hammocks, wigs, rugs, milk frothers, fake toenails, steering wheel covers, lingerie and toothbrushes. This is about as far from fewer things…better things as one can get. But the targeted demographic (which is not mine) can’t get enough of Shein. It’s leaving H & M and other fast fashion retailers in a the dust. And according to the source in this Times story, it recently surpassed Amazon as the most downloaded shopping app in the US. (Seems improbably, but that’s what it said.)

It’s something when you make H & M look good and Amazon look small. I’ll leave it to you to decide what that “something” is.

Wistful, Wishful. Willful

Wistful thinking- vague, longing. This leads to wishful thinking- desire for something unrealistic. And next comes willful thinking- deliberate, determined- no matter how unrealistic it is. This picture captures the many mindsets that now frustrate airline passengers. Overbooked, delayed, cancelled- announcements a traveler dreads. And even if you get where you’re going, your checked bag might not.

So what’s a traveler to do? Travel light unless you have a compelling reason not to. There are some good reasons for a bringing a lot of stuff to the airport: Baby or babies. Sporting- golf junkets, mountain climbing or a driven pheasant shoot perhaps. A fancy occasion- a black tie wedding or a red carpet gala. Special physical needs. A case might be made for other traveling-heavy situations, but not by me.

I’m the standard bearer for traveling light. If you carry it on, you and your baggage always arrive together. A carry on keeps you honest. No extras. No “just in case”. No “I’ll decide when I get there.” No lost luggage. And no need for electronic luggage trackers like this one. “Pebblebee’s powerful app and family of tracking products provide a simple, effective solution to one of life’s biggest challenges: keeping track of everything that’s important to you.” I guess challenge is in the eyes of the challenged.

I’m going with a paraphrase of Wendell Berry on clutter*- “Don’t travel with with so much clutter that you might be relieved to never see your luggage again.”

An aside. That smiley face suitcase… travel irony. The owner doesn’t get it, but we do,

* Worth a Google

The Writing is on the bowl

Devoid of visual “noise”, the message on this bowl is clear even if you speak not a word of Arabic. “Perfect balance, rhythmic intervals, powerful simplicity and clarity, elegant design.” “Without gold or embellishments, it effortlessly asserts its presence.” The translation of the Arabic proverb on this 10th century Persian bowl that lives at the Met: “Planning before work protects you from regret.” Some advice is timeless.

This bowl was made to be used- not to sit on a dusty shelf. That it has survived for over a thousand years is remarkable. This got me thinking about what from our 21st century lives might be unearthed in a thousand years. I hope it’s something museum-worthy but given our propensity for lots of cheap stuff, it could be a midden of Pez dispensers or Beanie Babies. But that needn’t be so if we remember- Fewer Things, Better Things. More advice that stands the test of time.

And Victor Hugo gets the last word. “The beautiful is as useful as the useful…perhaps more so.”

Impulsive or Ditherer

Or maybe it’s “no” too soon and “yes” too late. Hard to generalize. But one thing seems true- teetering between the extremes of shooting from the hip and endless hand-wringing seems pretty common. This unattributed quote gets to heart of the 40/70 Rule that Colin Powell advised.

Making a decision with less than 40% of the relevant information was shooting from the hip, uninformed- impulsive. And requiring more than 70% of the relevant information was being a fraidy cat- dithering and allowing someone else to control the outcome.

Learning about the Powell Rule reminded me of a quote from the social scientist Pauline Bart. “Everything is data but data isn’t everything.” The trick is figuring out what matters and what’s worthless. Find the sweet spot between yes/no and too soon/ too late. Like with other hard things, it’s takes work.

While we’re practicing the 40/70, may as well work on the 80/20 or the law of the vital few. With regards to our stuff, 80% of the time, we using 20% of our things. Pareto’s 80/20 was formulated with regard to economic outcomes and causes but it works on a more tangible level with your things.

So, practice. Seldom impulsive and seldom dithering.

The Bitter End

I’ve got a growing list of things that have been in death throes for a long time- months to even years.  Most have buttons or switches- espresso machine, dehumidifier, sonic toothbrush, German road car, laptop, wine refrigerator… a lamentable list- not exhaustive but exhausting.

When the things with buttons and switches misbehaved, I unplugged, rebooted, consulted owner’s manuals and Googled.  I feel like I’ve been running a rehab facility or an ICU.  There’ve been a few saves- honestly the espresso maker, which is still in service, has been resuscitated more times than I can count.  Some of the things died and were buried. And some things I just got sick of dealing with and euthanized. I let the car become someone else’s problem.

Holding on to things that are wont to die seems my specialty, but I’m mending my ways. Fixing tired things is tiring and at some point, a waste of time. Closing the “fix it shop” is not a sign of weakness or failure. The death throes will out. When it’s time, let them win. And be careful about replacing things lest you find yourself back in the fix-it shop business. I’m giving the old-fashioned, manual toothbrush a call-back.

You might be surprised that bitter doesn’t have to describe the end. R.I.P. (The things and their former owner.)

Theft Cleaning

I’ve written several times about the book, The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning. It’s charming and practical and a bit naughty- so it might show up again. But for now, let’s talk about “theft cleaning” which isn’t when your house is robbed clean. It’s about cleaning out your pocketbook (ok, purse, handbag, manbag… whatever you want to call it) and making note of what should stay.

Why? Two reasons that both seem valid. First, as clean ups go, this one is quick and easy. Second, if your pocketbook is snatched, recovering from the theft will be easier. And the same would be true if the bag goes missing through the fault of no one but you.

This true story compelled me to act. A good friend’s purse was snatched from her car in broad daylight, in a busy grocery store parking lot, in a nice, safe neighborhood. Using the front passenger door, she put her groceries and purse on the front seat, shut the door and rounded the car to get in the driver’s seat. Before she could back out, a thief opened the passenger door, snatched her purse, jumped into his car, and sped away. Putting something in your car before you put yourself in shouldn’t a risky behavior, but this incident proves differently. My friend knows that despite the police report, her pocketbook is never to be seen again. She’s channeled her ire into a cancelling cards, replacing cards, license, key fob, glasses and all the other things that she needs.

I’m not in the business of writing about criminal activity, but my friend suggested that her misfortune could have been lessened by remembering Rules. Having a good record of all the important cards in your wallet- account numbers and numbers to call to report them missing will lessen anxiety and hassle. Lessen, not eliminate, so I’ll add to her suggestion. Purging the all the unnecessary stuff from your pocketbook means less to lose if you’re forgetful or unlucky.

It’s easier to find what you’re looking for when you’ve edited what you’re toting. Nature abhors a vacuum. A cavernous bag that holds everything but the kitchen sink will break your back while you’re carrying it and break your heart when it’s lost or stolen. A small bag that holds only essentials ensures you leave the kitchen sink in the kitchen. My well-used leather pocketbook was advertised as a petit version of the classic French plumber’s bag. Theirs were by necessity bigger to hold all the tools they’d need to repair the kitchen sinks that the French women had wisely left at home.

So start with an easy one. Theft cleaning then tackle death cleaning. Cheers!

Courage

“If only someone would have the courage to be unfashionable.” Barbara Pym, English novelist (who unfortunately is no longer around to brave being unfashionable.)

Finally! Something in the WSJ Style & Fashion section that doesn’t make me think, “Really?” The article suggests dialing your belting back- skip the logo; boring makes for versatile. Opt for timeless, not brash and trendy. Avoid rodeo or Rodeo Drive. “Low-key belts do more than hold up pants… they’re jewelry for the wardrobe.” Excellent- no need for extra baubles.

My twenty year old belt is a hand-me-down from my son. It suits my style. I’m amused that it’s currently fashionable but confident that won’t last long. (Even a broken clock is right twice a day.) At a conservative estimate of a fifty wearings a year, I’ve had plenty of opportunities to be courageous. I’ll be relieved when things are back to normal in the world of belts and I’m hopefully out of fashion.

“Fashion changes, but style endures.” Coco Chanel

And there you have it. From England and France with a minor American assist.

Oh Hell...

… that might describe this kitchen drawer in our Cape Cod beach rental. We tried calling it the utensil or gadget drawer but that didn’t do it justice. It was about eighteen inches deep and filled with so many sharp objects that fishing around for things was an invitation to visit the emergency room. We mostly left these things alone and had time for ‘Oh Hell’, a devilish card game with a side of Deviled Eggs.

It's a Steal

Let’s talk about stealing.

You might think, “Not talking to me. I’m not prone to sticky fingers." In the traditional sense of theft, I haven’t stolen anything since I swiped a piece of Bazooka bubblegum from Hatley’s Variety Store when I was eight.” (And I still feel bad about it.)

But this Swedish proverb might make you think again. “He who buys what he doesn’t need, steals from himself.” We’re thieving a lot of the time- but not this time.

I just saw this Fabulous Home Melon Slicer by the actual watermelons at the grocery store. It brought back a memory from about 25 years ago. We were at the beach and had gone to the Dairy Queen for a cone. There was a “gift” shop next door that had all the usual beach junk and then some. My young nephew was hellbent on having a battery operated ice cream cone twister. I don’t recall the marketing name but I’ll give you a picture. It was a plastic holder shaped like a traditional cake ice cream cone with a deeper bottom to accommodate the two Double A batteries (not included). The on/off switch was on the side. The lucky owner of this device could load his cone into the holder, flip the switch, and the cone would spin without the inconvenience of the eater having to do any manual rotating. You could just stick out your tongue and the cone would be licked evenly with steady 360 degree revolutions. I pointed out to my nephew that he had a perfectly functioning range of motion in both hands and this was a wasteful piece of junk, the purchase of which was a “gift” to no one other than the hopeful shop owner.

What’s was true 25 years ago, is still true today. He got his DQ cone. I got my watermelon.

“Everything is 100% off if you don’t buy it.“ The Minimalists Maxims

From steal to deal!

Thinking about it?

Yes, I was thinking about not letting the gas tank get down to fumes.

We all have things we hate to do, even when they’re not terribly taxing.* Getting gas is something I hate to do. I hated it in 1970 when gas was 36 cents a gallon and I wasn’t even the one paying for it, so it’s not a price problem. It’s a “me” problem. Despite being necessary, for some irrational reason, that wasn’t enough so I added urgent. Admittedly, this was a weird type of procrastination since running on fumes made me anxious, but every time I coasted into the station was validation that I had things under control. “See, I didn’t need to call AAA or wander down the road with a gas can.” I never once ran out of fuel, but I sure pressed the limits.

Some years back, when I drove a car with a diesel engine, I began to take urgent more seriously. Running out of fuel in a diesel was more than just a self-inflicted inconvenience that AAA could fix. I’m back to gas, but my diesel fueling habits have stuck with me.

About a quarter of a tank registers “empty” for me now. So I stopped to get gas, feeling good about myself for having skipped anxiety. Well, anxiety didn’t want to be denied. The flap that covers the gas cap wouldn’t open. This is not a higher order skill but I failed, or rather the flap failed. The owner’s manual failed -I already knew how to open it when it was working, but what the hell do you do when it isn’t? The first dealer I called failed- there is no fix other than bringing it in and we don’t have any appointments for a while. It was not looking good. I was glad for those 75 miles still in the tank. Filling up now looked unlikely but I called another dealer. He gave me a work around that worked, an appointment for the next business day to get it fixed and some reassurance about it probably being a computer glitch that “threw a code”. A gas flap governed by a computer… not entirely reassuring.

This trifling tale is turning into a saga so I’ll leave you with this. When things are both necessary and urgent, get them done, pronto. When they’re necessary but non-urgent- still get them done but with some wiggle room in the timing. When they’re urgent but unnecessary- have a talk with yourself. And when they’re neither necessary nor urgent- skip it, please.

*As I think about it, buying gas is really taxing, but the act of stuffing the nozzle into mouth of the tank really isn’t.

What In the wordle?

Like millions of others, I’m hooked on Wordle. This was today’s game. You might wonder what in the world this has to do with the philosophy of Rules and why in the world anyone would display this average-at-best performance. I’ll concede average-at-best. But solving Wordle has a lot in common with Rules.

My first two stabs were total misses. I felt my pulse quickening. I was heartened by the third guess- sort of educated- the solution has to have a vowel and voila- an O in the right place and a random S as well. Pulse slows. I fiddled around with the letters that were left and the answer came up green. From likely failure to done- with just two little words.

All of those dark grey letters could be eliminated. “Eliminating the unnecessary allows the necessary to speak.” Hans Hofmann

Bread and icing were mistakes. I knew not to use those those letters a second time if I hoped for success. “Success does not consist in never making mistakes but in never making the same one a second time.” Will Rogers

Five green squares- perfection- on a very small scale.“Perfection is achieved not when there is nothing more to add but when there is nothing more to take away.” St. Exupéry

Either you get it- easily, or by the skin of your teeth-or you don’t. “Do or don’t do, there is no try.” Yoda

Here’s to more doing- Wordle and otherwise.

The Upside of Upside Down

A timeless trilogy.

“He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.” Epictetus (1st century Greek Stoic philosopher)

“My barn burned down, and then I saw the moon.” Mizuta Masahide (17th century Japanese poet and samurai)

“One morning, a boy who had everything woke up and discovered that it was all gone. Everything was missing except for his hat.” Stephen Barr (21st century American literary agent and author)

What happens in this timeless fable to a boy who has nothing but his hat? Everything. Spoiler alert: Epictetus and Masahide were right. Loss and persistence give way to the discovery that the boy’s life was turning around. His hat is more than a hat- it’s everything.

And that’s a plenty. Needs and wants are different. We want a lot. We don’t need much.

Expectations are Running High

This ad ran opposite a NYTimes Style Magazine story, “Nothing To Hide”. “What these offerings underlined is that clothing reflects not just the way we live today but also the way we hope we might someday live.” I’m not usually at a loss for words, but this get-up has gotten me. So, I’ll let Iris Apfel wrap this up. "Fashion you can buy, but style you possess. The key to style is learning who you are, which takes years. There's no how-to road map to style. It's about self expression and, above all, attitude."

On second thought, if Iris is right, this could be style rather than fashion. Expectations are running high. Style for someday. Not for today. It will take years!

Lack-A-Wanna

I’d just crossed over the Lackawanna County line in Pennsylvania and had stopped for gas. As my tank was filling, I was considering the word Lackawanna. Which syllable to stress? What cadence was most natural? What did it mean? It sounded Native American and I hoped I’d remember to find out when I got home.

I was still chewing on Lackawanna as I went in the gas station get my receipt (Why the pumps can’t reliably generate a receipt is a mystery). This plush toy tower was unfortunately unmissable. And in a flash, I added the hyphens- Lack-a- wanna. I don’t want this! There was absolutely nothing I wanted other than my gas receipt.

I did remember to look up the word. It means “Stream that forks”. The Lenape Tribal lands had a stream that did just that. The same is true of our metaphorical “stuff stream”. It bifurcates into the needs branch and the wants branch. They’re separate and distinct, just like the two branches of the river.

Beware of the snags, eddies, rapids, and dangers lurking beneath the surface of both branches- especially the one carrying the wants. And do yourself a favor. The needs branch may have a gentle flow, but the wants branch is at most a trickle.

Lack-A- Wanna!

Wise Old... Songbirds

Move over owls…

Domed nests, like the one in the newspaper clipping, were once thought superior to open ones. The conventional wisdom was they offered better protection from predators and harsh weather. Turns out, a roof over their heads really isn’t good for songbirds. The fancier and more complicated the dwelling, the less robust the dweller. Domed houses are correlated with smaller ranges and fussier climate needs- maladaptations. A simpler nest is better.

I’m not suggesting you take the roof off your house, but it might be worth thinking twice about fancy and complicated. “Progress is man’s ability to complicate simplicity.” Thor Heyerdahl, a Norwegian adventurer and ethnographer with a background in zoology, botany and geography.

Complicating simplicity? Birdbrained.

Hunting or Tossing?

All your eggs in one basket, good egg, rotten egg, egg on your face, walk on eggshells, nest egg, chicken and egg problem…there are dozens of eggy expressions. For today, imagine eggs as a stand in for the stuff that bedevils you.

Are you continually hunting for your eggs? Do you have too many to fit in your carton? Are any cracked or rotten? Are some of your eggs so fragile that using them seems fraught? Is your nest a mess?

This little bird’s song… Quit hunting if you should be tossing. And the familiar refrain… Carefully tend your nest.

Impulsive?

It has been ailing for years (missing parts and missing functions) but has refused to die. So, I keep asking myself, “What if I waited?”  The answer is always the same… What’s the worst that will happen?

I’ll have to exert a bit more effort to make a cup of coffee the non-fully automatic way- not so bad.

I’ll decide that the exertion is unacceptable and I’ll have to shell out for a new machine- not so bad.

So, this is an easy one to wait out.  My biggest reservation about waiting is fear that when this well-used and loved coffee maker is truly finished, the replacement options will all have mistakes masquerading as features. I don’t need 21 drink options, a double speed grinder, Wi-Fi enabled Smart Connect (god forbid), or 22 programmables (whatever that means).  And when you don’t need something, it’s usually wise not to want it.

“To act on impulse is to make oneself a hostage to ridicule.”  Aunt Agnes in The Gilded Age

So, I’m waiting…

Strings Attached

Possibly another solution looking for a problem? Or money looking for a distraction? Or simply a newspaper looking to fill column inches?

About these solutions: A plug or battery needed for all. They’ll set you back $40 to $180. Attributes touted- “Fashion-forward, compact for on-the-go, multimodal, all-in-one for brushing and flossing simultaneously (doable but awkward- sort of like patting one’s head while rubbing one’s belly)”

Damning with faint praise? The chair of clinical general dentistry at UCSF thinks so. “Nothing is as good as original, real-deal dental floss when it comes to cleaning in between the teeth.” And the Greek stoic, Epicurus would agree. “A man is wealthy in proportion to the things he can do without.”

Contrary to the headline, it seems these new fangled flossers come with lots of strings attached.