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“A funnel cake macchiato? Coffee makers are in a battle for who can come up with the craziest, calorie-laden, not-really-coffee drink. “ A teaser from the NY Times.
So TikTok confirms the answer is, “Yes.” And “No.” I don’t want to Log In or Explore or Follow. I know I’m stretching this coffee theme a bit thin so with this hat trick, I’ll find something else to wonder about. It shouldn’t be hard.
The Coffee Chaos story struck a nerve. J.P. and Kenneth had their say after reading about Starbuck’s menu complexity troubles with amusement. From J.P., “I like a morning coffee ritual that isn’t so complicated that I need a coffee before I order one. “ He sometimes goes out for coffee but no longer to Starbucks. And Kenneth opined, “ One person’s multivariable treat (double-upside-down half-caf venti oat milk latte with whip and room) sparks the next customer’s commitment never to return.” His excellent suggestion: a dedicated line for customers who can place their entire order in four words or fewer. Sort of like TSA Precheck for coffee.
How about 2 words. Caffè crema. As Kenneth says, “ The best product is usually the simplest.”
Here’s the executive summary of the column- too many possibilities are a problem. It’s the paradox of choice. No choice is bad; too much choice is bad. Finding the sweet spot is the goal. When the purveyor doesn’t narrow it down for you (Starbucks claims there are more than 170,000 possible drink combinations available) you’re on your own. More is unnecessarily complicated… “tall venti grande double-pump, one to four shots of expresso, half-caf, oat milk, nonfat milk, soy milk, milk milk, whipped cream, syrup, brown sugar, white sugar, no sugar and mocha drizzle, from the pike position with two and a half twists.“ Phew.
It’s choice and customization versus the attendant complexity. But it’s not just Starbucks. It’s Levis. It’s mustards. It’s paint colors. It’s almost everything. And the internet feeds this complexity.
Faced with way too many options, a couple of things can happen. You go deep down the rabbit hole or you throw up your hands and say, “Whatever.” Neither of these is optimal. Since companies don’t have boundaries anymore, you’ll have to find the sweet spot on your own. It’s called enough.
I had some notion that Wirecutter was the NYTimes site for dispensing advice on what to buy and how to do things. But this cartoon-like hack sent me to Google just to confirm. What follows is the first thing that popped up. I admit to confirmation bias and thus, looked no further.
“The Wirecutter model is to take what Consumer Reports used to do and eliminate all the hard parts like actually learning the science behind the product, performing serious long-term evaluations, and building funky stress testing machines. (And the big one, not accepting advertiser dollars.) What's left? Some underqualified millenials doing a bunch of Googling, buying some products off Amazon, chatting about them on a Slack thread, and then summarizing all the anecdata using no fewer than 10000 referral-generating words. Suffice it to say I find their recommendations basically useless.”
Even preschoolers know that stuff lives in designated zones and when those zones are violated, voilà- clutter. If the concept of sorting like items and using zones for specific purposes is news…we’re in even more trouble than I thought.
Sidebar: Disparaging Wirecutter for Googling when that’s exactly what I’ve done is classic “pot calling the kettle black”. And there you have it.
Important news for anyone who just woke from a very long sleep- “Social media can determine the life span of a product’s popularity.” The rage, the trend, the latest must-have from your favorite influencer… buyer beware. It won’t be long before you’re off trend in the land of must-have hydration accessories. Here’s the actuarial life table for trendy water bottles.
Nalgene- 30 years. Camelbak- 5 years. S’wells- 4 years. Hydro Flask- 2 years. Yeti-2 years. Simple Modern- 1 year. Stanley- 2years. Owala ???, but my money’s on < 2.
Needless consumerism filling a void at warp speed isn’t all bad. At least it’s propping up GDP.
And tiny…
The micro-inseam is trending according to a full page article in a newspaper of record. It is hard to fill an entire section with things that bespeak style, so trend is the fallback. TREND seems a more appropriate name for this weekly section but the Times has rebuffed my suggestion.
“The 5 inch shorts are the male version of cleavage.” Their popularity is thanks in large measure to “young women swooning over then on social media… As people seek style inspiration from an array of newsletters, social media influencers, glossy magazines and other cultural authorities, there is no universal idea about what is right or wrong to wear.” Too bad.
"Trendy is the last stage before tacky." I’ve quoted Karl Lagerfield so many times that I should be paying royalties.
In 1200 hypocrisy entered the English language as “the sin of pretending to virtue or goodness". In 2024 hypocrisy has gotten a revised definition…”the-so-common-as-to-no-longer-be-considered-sinful advocating of behaviors that one does not practice.”
As they say, “Whatever… it is what it is.” So, what is it? At best, humorous. At worst, damning.
Does your house look like Atlanta Hartsfield or Cape Cod Gateway? Packed to the gills or plenty of breathing room? If more Atlanta-like than Hyannis-like, you’ve got a dependence problem. The story accompanying this photo offered a measured way of determining how much wiggle room you should allow before a flight. It struck me that similar additions and subtractions from a baseline could be applied to managing how much stuff we own. And so much of stuff is about the math. Will it fit? Can I afford it?
You do the math. Begin with…
EVERYTHING I OWN. Subtract Everything I Like And Use. This leaves Problem Possessions. You might ask yourself why you bought so much trouble and what’s to be done about it. PROBLEM POSSESSIONS minus My Entirely Regrettable Mistakes which should be immediate goners, and you’re left with Thornier Problems. More math. THORNIER PROBLEMS minus The Things That Are Serving A Purpose That Is Fluid Or Short Lived (maybe a new puppy, a new baby, a new figure, a planned move or home renovation). These too will be goners as soon as practical and you’re left with Stuff Worth Further Consideration. Alas, more math. STUFF WORTH FURTHER CONSIDERATION less On Second Thought, I Don't Need Or Want To Replace This. Gone! What remains is STUFF I’VE CONSIDERED AND WOULD LIKE TO REPLACE. BUT CAN I AFFORD TO? Yep…math.
What’s your replacement budget? Be brutally honest. Now it’s time for addition. What’s The Cost Of The Stuff I Want To Replace? Replacement budget greater than than replacement costs…Happy. Replacement costs greater than replacement budget… Heartache.
Even if you’ve got a Happy Budget, remember, a few hours in the Atlanta airport is tolerable but you probably wouldn’t want to live there. If your pocketbook screams Heartache, sort your wishlist. First Class, Coach, and Standby. Replace accordingly.
Independence declared!
It’s conventional wisdom that our core beliefs and values are innate, or at least so deeply ingrained as to be immutable. You know the old adage- “A leopard can’t change his spots. “
Well… I’ve long hewed to the mantra, coined by St.-Exupéry, “Perfection is achieved not when there is nothing more to add but when there is nothing more to take away.” I’ve gotten a lot of push back on the futility of even attempting perfection, but I’ve been undeterred. I liked my mantra. But William of Ockham (of Razor fame) has changed my spotty mantra. “It is in vain to do with more, what can be done with less.” Don’t complicate things unnecessarily. Prune. Edit. Subtract.
Subtraction is the action that makes more of less. Often the best solution in engineering, architecture, cooking, writing, decorating, and dressing, is found by remembering - rather than +.
Subtract: The Untapped Science of Less explains why we too often ignore subtraction as a way to make things better. Whether building a silly matchbook bridge or a serious strategic plan, our minds default to more. and this blind spot can be costly. Subtraction is your secret weapon. Not perfect, but good enough.
Aside: The official hobby of collecting matchbooks is called phillumeny, a combination of the Greek phil (loving) and Latin lumen (light), and it's alive and well on Instagram. The hashtag #phillumenist has 12,755 followers. I’m a formerly closeted phillumenist but you’ll not see my collection on Instagram. I don’t expect that spot will change.
Thank you Instagram for much of what we rue. Often instantly. “I was seeing this all over Instagram and I was understandably excited. “ says the former owner of the $145 Always Pan from Our Place. It “promises to do the work of eight pieces of traditional cookware". What a deal. Except, it doesn’t work as promised. The once-hot pan isn’t so hot after all. Good luck recouping some of the purchase price. Yesterday’s $145 is today’s yard sale or trash bin.
Beware the army of influencers telling you it’s the best pan in the world. Beware of the company’s exclusivity pitch- “cult favorite, best-selling, wait-list inducing.” Cults should generally be avoided. And often times wait-list means just wait and you’ll realize you don’t want a “Target-level product masquerading as a luxury item.”
Our Place has released an Always Pan 2.0 with new and improved features and a new and improved price of $195.
Insta-rue, 2.0? One bitten, twice shy.
Didn’t you hate hearing those words, especially on a Friday when you were thinking about the weekend- not about gerunds, Pythagoras and the capital of Belgian Congo. For a bit of nostalgia, here’s a short quiz.
What is pictured above?
A) An aquarium B) A retro desktop computer C) A toilet
This is a solution looking for a problem.
A) True B) False
Does owning one satisfy
A) A need B) A want C) Both A and B D) Neither A nor B
How much does this thing cost?
A) $ 937 B) $ 3,337 C) $ 5,337 D) $ 9,937.50 ($350 shipping not included)
Answers: 1. C, 2. A, 3.D, 4 D
How’d you do? I bet you made a 100%. Have a good weekend. It’s possible, even without owning a Numi 2.0 Smart toilet.
“Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without.”
A word about that WW II mantra… quaint.
According to a recent article in the WSJ, we discard about $68 million worth of coins each year. A lot of people think they’re worthless or at least not worth their weight. Add to this the $473 billion in wasted food (about 40% of all food) and the 20% of clothes that go to the landfill with the price tags still attached. It doesn’t take an advanced degree to diagnosis a pandemic of wasting disease.
In the era of impulsivity, buy-in-one click, yes, I want this but I’m not sure why…we’re deep into the Age of Consumerism.
Don’t use it up, don’t wear it out, why make it do, just throw it out. …A word about this new mantra… crazy.
“The borders of simplicity are shaped by restraint.” The Minimalists
This countertop, Dash Rapid Egg Cooker was the subject of a “Letter of Recommendation” column in the NYTimes Magazine. Tongue in cheek, self-deprecating humor rode along side the writer’s honest enthusiasm; it really was a letter of recommendation. But this appliance struck me as the poster child for the tyranny of convenience, an idea the legal scholar, Tim Wu wrote about in 2018. I missed it then, but enjoyed finding it now.
From Wu’s essay: "Easy is better, easiest is best. Convenience has the ability to make other options unthinkable. It trumps our true preferences. After you have experienced streaming television, waiting to see a show at a prescribed hour seems silly, even a little undignified. To make a latte at home seems absurd when you can round the corner and be at Starbucks. To resist convenience has come to require a special kind of dedication that is often taken for eccentricity, if not fanaticism.”
Back to the Letter of Recommendation… “I found it while walking through the home-goods section of T.J. Maxx, the American retail equialent of the Garden of Earthly Delights. In Hieronymus Bosch land of shopping anarchy, I spotted a carelessly abandonned gadget calling itself Dash Rapid Egg Cooker. The cashier who rang me up did not share my enthusiasm for the cheery cockiness of its packaging which proclaimed that it ‘Perfectly Cooks 6 Eggs at a Time!’ Baffled, she asked me a quesiton, the answer to which would have embarassed anyone but me. ‘Don’t you know how to boil water?’
I might have had a few more questions. Don’t you have a pot? Don’t you know how to turn on the stove? Do you have room on your counter or cabinets to store this thing when you’re not in egg-cooking mode? In the shopper's defense, she lived in a tiny NYC apartment that had only a mini-fridge, hot plate and microwave. And were she a huge egg lover, I guess this impulse buy could be justified. And if I’m honest, even if you’re not a big egg lover but want a countertop egg cooker, have a space for it and $20 to spend, buying the DREC isn’t a crime.
The perfect egg is an aesthetic challenge. A few nicks and tears in the white are hard to avoid when peeling. I imagine Julia Child wouldn’t have gotten too worked up over a perfect looking egg as long as it was perfectly cooked, Bon Appetit!
And an excellent counterpoint from a good friend … Despite all the hemming and hawing, “the column tells us that the egg cooker is great. I love mine.”
Maybe I’m too hardboiled on tyrannical conveniences but I’m sticking to my pot of gently boiling water.
“You're saying something with your appearance whether you mean to or not, so you may as well mean to.” Lyle Lovett
"You gotta have style. It helps you get down the stairs. It helps you get up in the morning. It’s a way of life. Without it, you’re nobody.” Diana Vreeland
So whataya really mean? ” How about “I love my outfit. And by all means, you should love yours.”
“Mine don’t droop.” says the designer of these maximalist fake flower installations. Unsaid, they do gather dust and soot and they fade. The cachet that comes from a Floratorium design comes with a catch. This too is a trend- like open kitchens, Mason jars and cordless tabletop lamps. So if your fancy runs to fake Ficus, have at it. But do so soon. Trends doesn’t last. Next stops… trite then trash. When the antecedents of fake flowers are funeral homes and craft stores, watch out.
We were told you couldn’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear. Would that were true about a plastic peony out of a petroleum product. As one customer opined, “In this era of Instagram filters and Botoxed faces, there is no expectation of authenticity anymore. Everything is fake. Why wouldn’t flowers be, too?”
“Fewer things, better things.” Friends not foes.
Remember Maxwell Smart’s bumbling battle against CHAOS, the evil enemy of CONTROL? In spite of himself, Max and his sidekicks at CONTROL usually won. Chaos was thwarted. That was then. this is now. Control thwarted. Chaos wins. Satisfying our compulsion to buy stuff we don’t want or need is as outdated as Max’s shoe phone. Brands, big and small are delighted by the chaos spawned by their marketing gurus. Trendy. Trashy. Cheap. Perfect! Our customers are paying to do our advertising.
I wonder if the mini-tote is big enough to hold Crocs and a Stanley tumbler. I wonder if anyone is going to get hurt fighting over these bags. I wonder if enough will ever be Enough.
Get Smart.
Here’s the “charge” from the trend forecasters. “The fad is over. Some are already embarassed to carry a Stanley. And we know what’s going to happen. They’ll sit unused, gather dust on a shelf or in a basement or worst case scenario, they’ll end up in landfills.”
The devotees of this cultural phenomenon got carried away, owning dozens and stampeding Target for the release of special editions. It seems the disciples missed the point of a reusable mug- because it’s reused, “theoretically” you only need one. Nice hypothesis but a lousy theory.
To paraphrase Karl Lagerfeld, “Trend is the last stop before Trash.” Jump ship. Abandon the bandwagon. Remember, au courant quickly becomes très passe.
Spoiler alert from trend-spotting experts: “The new “it” water bottle is the Owala. “When you tip it back to drink, you look like a koala.” Seems a recipe for a very short run.
“Do or do not. There is no try.” Yoda. So we did. Did very quickly became done. For a polar bear, 47 degree water would have been balmy, but for polar bear wanna bes, it was frigid. To paraphrase Lao-Tzu, “ A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single plunge. And as crazy as it sounds, it was perfection. Formidable became fantastic, along side a friend.
Would that it were so. It was better when a vacation didn’t just mean a change of venue but a real holiday from work. Now that “work” lives on your phone and your phone lives on you, the idea of “wading though emails post- vacation” sounds as old-timey as “Would that it were so.” Too bad. Wishful is gone; wistful remains.
My vote for the word of 2023 didn’t win. Merriam Webster chose “authentic” and Oxford University Press chose “rizz”. Authentic as an antidote to AI, fake news, alternative truths… Rizz, a shortening of charisma popularized by the influencer Kai Cenat on the streaming service, Twitch. I understand authentic but rizz was a mystery. Who is Kai Cenat? What is Twitch? And why does the job title “influencer” even exist? I suspect a Gen Zer could sort this out quickly.
Enough probably won’t catch on despite having much to recommend. Enough is the sweet spot between too little and too much. It’s Goldilocks’ “just right”. But enough is usually viewed through a comparative lens. We may absolutely have enough, but when compared to others, we feel inadequately provisioned.. A step up on the economic ladder invariably leads to a step (or steps) up in our wants. What was a plenty, now feels paltry.
A true story about Enough, told by John Bogle, the founder of Vanguard.
“At a party given by a billionaire on Shelter Island, Kurt Vonnegut informs his pal, Joseph Heller, that their host, a hedge fund manager, had made more money in a single day than Heller had earned from his wildly popular novel Catch-22 over its whole history. Heller responds, ‘Yes, but I have something he will never have ... enough.’ Enough. I was stunned by the simple eloquence of that word-stunned for two reasons: first, because I have been given so much in my own life and, second, because Joseph Heller couldn't have been more accurate. For a critical element of our society, including many of the wealthiest and most powerful among us, there seems to be no limit today on what enough entails.”
Enough in 2024? Surely it’s better than rizz. Happy New Year from this lonely enoughist.
